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Adoptive parents speak up over mother who sent back Russian boy

They blame adoption agencies rather than her, saying parents are often misled and left to deal with extreme problems without training or options.

By Bonnie Miller Rubin
April 14, 2010 | 2:34 p.m.
Reporting from Chicago

To many, the act seemed callous, even abusive: A Tennessee woman sent her 7-year-old adoptive son home to Russia alone last week, with a note that she no longer wanted him.

Although the episode has been roundly condemned and authorities are investigating whether any laws were broken, adoptive parents of troubled children are speaking out. Rather than condemn Torry Hansen, 33, they castigate adoption agencies that do not always accurately describe a child’s troubled past, leaving families to manage extreme problems without training or options.

“There are days when we’ve all felt like that Tennessee mom,” said Linda McBride of Chicago, who adopted three boys — now 19, 14 and 13 — from Russia in 2002.

Thousands of overseas adoptees flourish in the U.S., but others face numerous health risks, such as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, attachment disorders, mental health issues and other disabilities that will last a lifetime.

“I never understood the importance of those early years,” McBride said. “I was just excited about being a mom.”

No one condones Hansen’s action, but many can sympathize. Hansen, a registered nurse, brought her son home eight months ago from an orphanage near Vladivostok. When she sent him back, she said the boy was violent and threatened to burn down her home with her inside. The boy’s birth mother reportedly was an alcoholic.

Linda Baker of suburban St. Louis can understand — at least a little.

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It’d be nice if there was a secret I could tell you about how to instantly make your kids more successful in school and life. But there is no magic pill, only that old stand-by, hard work. And the funny thing about that is, you can’t force kids to work hard. I suppose you could try, but I’ve rarely seen anything useful come from kids whose parents had to hold their noses to the grindstone. If there’s something close to a secret, perhaps it’s this: Kids work hard when they want to work hard, and this happens only when are motivated to do so by some positive internal goal, and not by fear or because they are worried about disappointing others. They work hard because they value hard work. Instilling kids with values like this is the first step the long road to real success.

But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do to make this happen. Here are five ways to put your kids on the path to extraordinary:

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Opinion by Dr Gwenn

Wednesday’s death of Dawn Brancheau at Sea World is truly an unthinkable tragedy. It’s one of those events that reminds us that some family entertainment that we take for granted is much more involved than we want to admit and puts many highly trained, dedicated and good-hearted people at risk each and every day.

Given children’s love for orcas, and Shamu in particular, this story is likely to have an impact on most children, regardless of age. In my mind, there are two big issues to consider when helping your children process this story: the media coverage itself and the issues around the orca, Tilly.

[Read the rest of the story]

One of the ways parents can increase involvement is by supporting their child’s education and helping him achieve academic success. An important part of this, which parents don’t often think about, is teaching your kids the social skills they’ll need to succeed in school. Here are some tips for parents on how they can send their child to school with the social skills they need to successfully interact with teachers and other students.

First, it’s important to teach your child to ask for what he needs. How can he get help unless he’s able to admit he doesn’t understand something? A great way to instill this in your child is to practice it at home.

One of the most important things you can teach your child is manners. Teachers may attempt to teach students politeness and social skills, but if it’s not being practiced in the home, the child will not successfully absorb these lessons. Your child should be taught when to say, “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me.” Have him practice sharing things, taking turns, and waiting his turn in line.

Point out good examples of behavior to your child when you see it. If you’re watching a movie or out in public, you can say to your child something such as, “Did you see how the man held open the door for the lady? He was being a gentleman.”

Finally, rehearse at home anything your child may feel awkward saying or doing with other people. In such a way, you’ll be able to get your child interacting with others with ease.

Success in school isn’t only determined by academic skills and knowledge. By following the helpful tips above in the time you spend with your child, you’ll notice an improvement in your child’s education experience in no time as they become more comfortable in their learning environment and better equipped to flourish in it.

From Danny the Dragon

* PBS KIDS remains the most essential source of children’s programming, with 67 percent of respondents stating that PBS’ children’s service is “very important,” compared to 49 percent for cable and 44 percent of commercial broadcast television.(1) Eighty-nine percent of respondents believe it is “very important” for PBS to provide children’s programming.(2)

[Read entire PBS article]

Six-year-old Helena Bell wears her short high-heeled shoes with her mother Dana Bell at their home in Los Angeles Tuesday, Jan. 12, 2010. Helena first wore the heels as flower girl at a wedding about six months ago. Since then, she loves to wear the shoes - and her flower girl dress - to church on Sundays, and other "dress-up" occasions at home. (AP Photo/Reed Saxon)

A pair of sparkly, peekaboo shoes with heels 2 inches high are favorites of 6-year-old Helena Bell ever since she got them for a wedding.

“She’s worn them to the point where the jewels have fallen off,” says Helena’s mother, Dana Bell of Woodland Hills, Calif. “It’s not my preference, but I’ve stopped fighting it.”

The heels aren’t allowed at school, but the first-grader slips on her white treasures first thing when she gets home and wears them to church every Sunday. “I think if it’s within reason, it’s OK,” her mom says.

As images of 3½-year-old Suri Cruise out and about in blingy heels recently hit magazines and the Internet, reactions to the grown-up look for not-so-old kids have ranged from cries of inappropriate to defense of a little girl’s right to be girlie. Suri’s mom, Katie Holmes, told Access Hollywood she considers the kitten heels supportive because they were made specifically for kids learning ballroom dancing.

Samantha Fein of San Jose, Calif., says her 6-year-old daughter has attracted some double-edge remarks – “My, look at your big girl shoes” – when she wears her knee-high boots with a 2-inch chunky heel or her brown wedges with only slightly less height. Fein notes that her child wears sneakers 90 percent of the time and heels on special occasions, like birthday parties.

“It’s not like I’m sending her to the park in them,” she says. “I think there’s a time and a place for everything.”

The San Francisco Bay area is pretty fashion forward, so it’s not unusual to see girls that young wearing heels. Fein says they’ve helped her daughter learn to walk like a lady. “They’re definitely not suggestive at all. Suggestive to me is inappropriate.”

The phenomenon falls in line with other trends in clothing, books, music and movies once reserved for older audiences trickling down the age ladder.

As Christina Vercelletto, senior editor of Parenting magazine, has been putting together the spring fashion edition, she’s noticed shoes for girls as young as 5 and 6 sporting heels as high as an inch.

“I am seeing these heeled shoes, shoes that would be considered a little too grown up typically for a girl that age,” she says. “I think it’s definitely a trend for 5- or 6-year-olds.”

In years past, Vercelletto says, heels usually stopped at sizes for 8- or 9-year-olds. She unsuccessfully tried to nab a pair of stacked heel boots that arrived in a bag of hand-me-downs for her own 6-year-old but wasn’t quick enough. Now, Vercelletto tries to keep them out of sight in the back of a closet.

“I do feel that it’s rushing it a little to put a girl 3 years old in shoes like that,” said Vercelletto, among those who fear the physical perils.

Unlike other trends, heels pose physical risks that include a tightening of the heel cord and changes in the growth plate.

Matthew Dairman, a Suffolk, Va., foot and ankle surgeon and a spokesman for the American College of Foot and Ankle Surgeons, urges parents to limit wear to once or twice a week for four hours at a stretch – if at all. Another important factor, he says, is difficulty in keeping kids from running, which could make those in heels more susceptible to ankle sprains or broken bones.

“You put a kid in a heel and someone touches them and says tag, they’re it – they’re off,” Dairman says. “Moderation is key.”

Michael Penrod, a sales representative for children’s footwear with a showroom at Dallas Market Center, a wholesale merchandise marketplace, says adult styles began surfacing in children’s footwear a decade ago. While manufacturers do offer heels in sizes small enough to possibly fit a 3-year-old, stores are more likely to carry sizes meant from age 5 and older.

Heels for young girls get mixed reactions from buyers, with more interest from the coasts and bigger department stores.

“In the South, there’s still a very traditional store owner that prefers the younger looking silhouettes,” he says.

Jennifer Thomas, one of the owners of two Chicago-area children’s shoe boutiques called Piggy Toes, says she doesn’t carry heels for young girls.

“I just don’t think they’re age-appropriate,” says Thomas, who has a 10-year-old daughter she doesn’t want to see in them. “As far as the customers, girls for sure love them. Mom usually doesn’t want them.”

Dr. James W. Brodsky, a Dallas orthopedic surgeon and past president of the American Orthopaedic Foot and Ankle Society, says healthy shoes for kids are similar to healthy shoes for adults – not too high a heel, plenty of width in the toe box, soft natural materials to conform to the shape of the foot and good support.

Lisa Spiegel, a counselor and director of Soho Parenting, a New York City parenting resource center, says worry about kids aging too fast is often on the minds of parents today. She says she hasn’t noticed a prevalence of young girls wearing heels but does know parents contending with young girls wanting to wear makeup or dress in too-skimpy clothes.

“We really, really try to help families hold onto their better instincts that kids should be children and not little adults,” she says.

Apples and Bananas

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I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas
I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas

I like to ate, ate, ate ay-ples and ba-nay-nays
I like to ate, ate, ate ay-ples and ba-nay-nays

I like to eat, eat, eat ee-ples and bee-nee-nees
I like to eat, eat, eat ee-ples and bee-nee-nees

I like to ite, ite, ite i-ples and by-ny-nys
I like to ite, ite, ite i-ples and by-ny-nys

I like to ote, ote, ote oh-ples and bo-no-nos
I like to ote, ote, ote oh-ples and bo-no-nos

I like to oot, oot, oot oo-ples and boo-noo-noos
I like to oot, oot, oot oo-ples and boo-noo-noos

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But did you know that apples and bananas have more than just this song going on?

I was talking with a parent this morning about the ripening of bananas.

The parent was commenting on how green our bananas were so we exchanged information on how to keep bananas fresh longer, but also how to ripen them more quickly if you need them in a pinch.  Both of us learned something new this morning so I thought I would pass along this, perhaps, useful information!  I had heard that if you want to keep bananas fresh longer pull them apart from their bunch.

Before I shared this information with everyone I went online to see if I could find something to support this claim.  Luckily I found something! Daily DIY: Gone Bananas

I used this method at home and it does appear to slow the ripening process.

The parent then shared with me a way to ripen bananas more quickly.  He said if you place an apple near the bananas the gases from the apple will help to ripen the banana. I am currently in the process of testing out this claim!  I have a pile of bananas covered with a few apples.  Take a look at the pictures and judge for yourself.

This took place over the course of a few hours.  It seems that this works!

I was able to find an article to support this idea: Top Tips on How to Ripen Bananas Quickly!

During my quick research project I found many different ways to keep bananas fresh longer as well as to ripen them more quickly.  Here are a few interesting sites I came across.  Happy banana eating!

How to Ripen Bananas Quicker

How to Keep Bananas Fresh Longer

Boston firm helps Chiquita find a way to keep delicate fruit ripe and ready